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“I would cry when his leather belt stung my thighs, but he never tried to curb or deny my feelings. I could sob from the physical pain and then about everything else I had been too afraid to talk about.”

When it came to dating, Aly Tadros was used to hiding the messy parts of her life. “Why even bother? As soon as a guy finds out about my baggage, he bolts,” she wrote in her Modern Love essay.

That is, until Dan from OkCupid came along. His dating profile read: “I’m a feminist. I respect women while simultaneously enjoy dominating them.” That was the start of Aly’s journey into B.D.S.M.

Today, Aly shares her story about exploring domination and kink, and what it has taught her about setting boundaries and demanding honesty. She calls this mind-set “kink courage” — and it’s changed the way she lives her life.

Today’s essay was written and read by Aly Tadros. It includes the song “Your Escape” from her album “Hungry Ghost.”

Modern Love is hosted by Anna Martin and produced by Julia Botero, Christina Djossa, Elyssa Dudley and Hans Buetow. The show is edited by Sara Sarasohn, and our executive producer is Jen Poyant. This episode was mixed by Sophia Lanman and recorded by Maddy Masiello. Our theme music is by Dan Powell.

Special thanks to Daniel Jones, Miya Lee, Mahima Chablani, Jeffrey Miranda, Renan Borelli, Nina Lassam and Julia Simon.

Thoughts? Email us at modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com.

Want more from Modern Love? Read past stories. Watch the TV series and sign up for the newsletter. We also have swag at the NYT Store and two books, “Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption” and “Tiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less.”