When I was 10, my parents started dieting — and they never stopped! (I am now 38, and they are 68.) They equate thinness with good health. When I was 13, and wore size 0 jeans, my mother enrolled me in a weight-loss program. My parents lectured me frequently about getting my normal weight under control. By 16, I had an eating disorder that I’ve struggled with for decades — though I am now in recovery. Last year, they started taking semaglutides. They eat very small portions, and when they go to restaurants, they exclaim about the gigantic serving sizes and try repeatedly to push most of their meals onto others. As part of my recovery, I try not to talk about food and weight. Is there a constructive way to ask them to do the same when I’m around?

DAUGHTER

I’m glad to hear that you’re in recovery. Eating disorders, as you well know, can be difficult to get — and keep — under control. They are also associated with elevated mortality rates. So, let’s be careful here. The fact that your parents have watched you struggle with food for 25 years and still carry on about it suggests that their food issues may be as deep-seated as yours. Do not jeopardize your recovery in protracted wrangling with them.

You can certainly make a simple request: “Could you try to stop talking about food and portions when I’m around? I find it destabilizing.” I am not optimistic, though. They have had over two decades to make the connection between their obsession with weight and your struggle with food — and they have not done so. If they were going to be sensitive to your disorder, they probably would be already.

So, if your request fails, try to see your parents outside of mealtimes. Meet them for walks in the park or visits to museums or bookstores. Not many of us get perfect parents, and it’s not uncommon for parents’ strengths and weaknesses to shape those of their children. But there comes a time, too, for recognizing our parents’ limitations and for creating healthy boundaries accordingly.

A Song in His Heart and a Burp in His Throat

I share a small office with two co-workers. We are all in our early 20s. At first, we got along fine. Then the sole male among us started singing audibly at his desk and burping loudly. Our co-worker asked him to stop singing. He said he would, but he hasn’t. And I’ve jokingly said, “Excuse you,” after his burps, but they continue, too. Advice?