My wife and I have noticed that our Gen X parents have a problem with their phones: They scroll endlessly. It came to a head when my mother last watched our children. She was so engrossed in her phone that she didn’t see our 2-year-old son racing down the driveway on his bicycle. He flew over his handlebars and, fortunately, landed in a grassy area. But episodes like these make us wonder if we can trust our parents to watch our children. I’ve tried to broach the subject with them, but I’m afraid that if I’m too direct about it, they will become defensive. I can’t imagine it would feel good, as seniors, to have your children tell you to put down your phone. Advice?

SON

I understand your desire to be gentle with your parents. But as parents yourselves, your first responsibility is for your children’s safety. If a situation threatens their welfare, it is your job to handle it. So, if your mother is distracted, for instance, when she watches your children, speak with her directly. You don’t have to be mean, but you can’t tiptoe around your children’s well-being, either.

What’s more, the oldest members of Generation X are 61. Your parents were in your position not so long ago. Cellphone distraction may not have been an issue for them, but your safety was. Say: “Mom, I’m concerned that you are distracted when you watch the kids. I’m living proof that you are a great mother, but will you please put down your phone when you’re babysitting?” It’s hard to imagine her becoming defensive. You will be making a reasonable request while paying her a compliment.

Now, a related issue that lands in my inbox frequently: Be sensitive to your parents’ actual interest in babysitting. You may need child care, and your parents may seem like the natural providers of it to you, but they may have different priorities. They have raised their children already. So, ask them candidly if they want to take care of yours. They can love their grandchildren very much without wanting to babysit.

The Plus-One Math Isn’t Adding Up

On invitations to formal events, I believe that the invitees are clear: Either a guest is specified or, if the invitation is addressed to the invitee alone, a plus-one should not be assumed. But I have a friend who seems to believe otherwise. She substituted a random friend for her estranged husband at my child’s wedding. (She and her husband separated after the invitations went out.) And she mentioned bringing a plus-one to a formal reception for my grandchild’s baptism, although the invitation was addressed to her alone. How do I let her know this is not OK?