My beloved niece is graduating from the U.S. Naval Academy next month. She has invited me to attend her graduation ceremony. Typically, the president, the vice president or one of the president’s cabinet officials addresses the midshipmen and their families as the commencement speaker. But listening to a self-serving speech by any of these individuals would be nauseating for me given our current geopolitical situation. So, I’m inclined to skip the graduation ceremony and to attend the family party afterward. But that means I would miss watching my niece collect her diploma and make her first salute as a commissioned officer. Will she think I chose politics over honoring her achievement?

AUNT

Short answer: yes. Your niece will probably believe that you are prioritizing politics over her graduation if you skip the ceremony and attend the party a little later — because that is precisely what you will be doing. And that may be necessary for you. I am not here to judge your political or moral beliefs. But let me remind you that there is no Republican Navy or Democratic Navy. The armed forces protect all Americans.

Now, I don’t mean to minimize the tremendous influence that a sitting president wields on military matters while in office. And you may object fiercely to the current president’s military choices. But elected officials come and go, and it would be wrong to conflate politicians with the brave men and women who dedicate their lives to defending our country in the armed services. The president may be commander in chief, but only until the next one is sworn into office.

Still, I understand your ambivalence about attending a ceremony that features a speaker with whom you may disagree strongly. So, how about excusing yourself for that portion of the ceremony (provided that the actual speaker this year is objectionable to you)? If attending is still impossible, make sure to explain your absence to your niece in a way that distinguishes politics from the greater cause to which she is dedicating her young life.

Sometimes a Stop Isn’t Just to Smell the Roses

I was walking my dog on a leash recently when he stopped to sniff some flowers at the edge of a neighbor’s yard. My dog was standing on the public sidewalk. My neighbor asked me to stop my dog from doing that. She said it attracted other dogs. I figured she couldn’t see that my dog wasn’t peeing, so I said, “Oh, he’s just sniffing.” My neighbor replied, “This is not a dog park,” and turned away. This same neighbor has spoken to me harshly about my dog before. What is the best way to respond?