I have struggled to get pregnant for over two years. After multiple rounds of in vitro fertilization failed, my doctors suggested I consider other options. My sister-in-law also struggled with fertility, and we used to bond over our shared experience. But she got pregnant last fall, and her baby shower is in a few weeks. I am happy for her, but it has also been painful to watch her (and so many of my friends) get pregnant. I don’t want to go to the shower, but my partner thinks that our relationship with his brother and sister-in-law has become distant because of their pregnancy and that my absence from the party will create strain. We used to be close. Should I have an honest conversation with my sister-in-law, fake an illness at the last minute, or put my feelings aside and attend?

SISTER-IN-LAW

I’m sorry for the pain of your disappointment, and I can certainly see how a baby shower might make you distressed. But while you mention fertility doctors, you don’t say anything about therapists. I would prioritize your grief and mental health over a party. No matter what you decide about this one baby shower, it is important to address your feelings. They will not go away on their own.

You say that you used to be close to your sister-in-law and commiserate over fertility issues. So, she may be a good candidate with whom to discuss your complex feelings: sincere happiness for her that is coupled with sadness for your own situation. But I understand if you are not ready for that conversation yet.

Life is long. And under the circumstances, I do not believe that missing a single baby shower will do irreparable damage to your relationship with your in-laws. But I hope you will commit to addressing your underlying feelings and to discussing them with your sister-in-law soon — for your own good and the good of your relationship with her.

Whether to Deal In an Old Friend

I live in a retirement community and enjoy a weekly game night with a dozen other residents. It’s informal: no score keeping or prizes. There is another player we have known for years who has moved into the assisted-care unit of the facility. She has memory issues and is visually impaired. We feel compassion for her, but it has become difficult — even unpleasant — to play with her: It takes her forever to make decisions, and sometimes she doesn’t even know which card or tile she is holding. Is there a kind way to exclude her?