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Vows

By LINDA MARX

The night before Ashley Iorio left her family home in North Stonington, Conn., for her plebe year at the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md., her high school boyfriend ended their relationship.

“This was a pre-emptive strike, it knocked her for a loop,” said her mother, Beth Iorio, a retired special agent for the Naval Criminal Investigative Service (N.C.I.S.).

Despite being an excellent student with strong leadership skills and a lifelong desire to serve her country, Ashley Iorio had a tough time battling the pain of the romantic split and her homesickness during that summer of 2012. “Ashley had never been away from home for more than a few days,” her mother said.

Ms. Iorio frequently called her family in tears. But she also tried to stay focused on Annapolis life, which helped her meet fellow midshipmen. “I was inspired to have a military career because members of my family have served,” said Ms. Iorio, whose father, Robert Iorio, was a Marine captain before joining N.C.I.S., where he met her mother.

During her first year at the academy, Ms. Iorio said, she “got tight with people in my class but didn’t date anyone seriously.”

All that would change, however, after meeting and falling in love with a midshipman named David Sands, the son of a Navy lieutenant and helicopter pilot. The couple married last month in North Carolina in a ceremony that included a military-style salute and many of their academy classmates.

Theirs was a whirlwind romance, filled later on with long separations. Ms. Iorio and Mr. Sands met in June 2013 while attending “Youngster Cruise,” a four-week summer training event aboard the U.S.S. San Diego in San Diego, where they experienced what it was like to be enlisted.

“I had returned from shopping when David was leaving the ship to go into town, so we just shook hands,” said Ms. Iorio, who graduated from the Naval Academy in 2016 with a degree in economics, and is now a second lieutenant in the Marine Corps, and a productions officer in the disbursing office at Camp Pendleton, Calif.

A few days after their initial meeting, they became reacquainted at a group gathering in downtown San Diego’s Gaslamp Quarter. Mr. Sands, who was recruited from Dallas for the crew team, couldn’t remember Ms. Iorio’s name but thought she was cute.

“While everyone was drinking and hanging out that night, Ashley and I kind of stuck together,” said Mr. Sands, who graduated from the Naval Academy in 2016 with a degree in international relations and is a second lieutenant in the Marine Corps training to be a pilot in Corpus Christi, Tex.

The following weekend, he took her to the San Diego Zoo. They talked about their career goals, their desire to give back to their country and their love for family. “I thought David was nice and easygoing,” Ms. Iorio, now 23, said. “He made me feel great by asking questions and seemed genuinely interested in me.”

Mr. Sands, also 23, said she was “mature and centered,” different from other women he had dated. “She was easy to engage in deep conversation,” he said.

During the hours they weren’t training, Ms. Iorio and Mr. Sands enjoyed dates on the beach and in restaurants. They discussed the many things they had in common: growing up regaled with military stories by family members (they have uncles and brothers in the military); mutual competitiveness; and love for sports, travel and hiking in national parks.

“We were having so much fun, it seemed like we were on vacation,” Ms. Iorio said.

There were also differences. Mr. Sands and his four siblings were home-schooled for religious reasons. He also liked to party with his pals, and was determined to become a pilot. Ms. Iorio, with one brother, was interested in a finance career and focused on school and activities. Her parents said that she was “born driven and never had a rebellious period.”

Romance developed quickly. “Their relationship was a whirlwind from the beginning,” said Jon Cabarrus, an Annapolis roommate and a groomsman. “They liked to act goofy, always laughing together. David raved about her at the end of that summer.”

But they didn’t become exclusive during their month off when each went home to be with family. While they talked and texted, there was no discussion about a permanent relationship because Mr. Sands had to know if their feelings could withstand the separation, and then endure the military training and tough classes in Annapolis.

“I kept up with Ashley but didn’t want to commit,” said Mr. Sands, adding that he was aware that she was eager for the relationship to take the next step.

After a few weeks of studying together and hanging out in Annapolis, it didn’t take long for Mr. Sands to change his mind. On Sept. 13, 2013, as they walked along the Chesapeake Bay, he asked for exclusivity. “I could see we were able to take the fun we had in San Diego and carry it to the academy,” Mr. Sands said. “We fell in love early as she pushed me to be a better person.”

Yet having a romantic relationship at a military academy was a challenge.

After their plebe year, midshipmen are allowed to date as long as they are in different companies. (He was in the 27th; she was in the 11th.) “You can’t show any affection while in uniform or on the academy yard, ” Mr. Sands said. “But when we wore civilian clothes, I was allowed to kiss her and hold her hand in public.”

When they wanted to be together on weekdays, they could go to the other’s room to do homework, watch TV or listen to music as long as the door remained open. “It was not unusual to be a couple at the academy, and we socialized with others,” Ms. Iorio said. “But we had to work hard to carve out time for each other because of our grueling schedules.”

She was involved in her company’s leadership roles running daily operations, and he was a varsity rower. With almost every hour scheduled, they still made time for the relationship, if only for a few minutes a day.

When Ms. Iorio took Mr. Sands home to spend time with her parents, he was greeted warmly and treated like one of the family. “David split wood, walked the dogs in the snow and played in the snow,” her father said. “We could see how each brings out the best in the other.”

His mother, Ronda Sands, agreed: “Ashley has been a calming influence on David. They were always good together, supporting the other during difficult times at the Naval Academy.”

This included personal struggles, like their religious differences. Mr. Sands was raised Presbyterian in a strict Christian home, while Ms. Iorio was raised Roman Catholic in a more relaxed environment. After much discussion and repeated visits to both churches, Ms. Iorio agreed to become Presbyterian for the sake of raising a family.

Career discussions also created stress. They weren’t sure whether to go into the Navy or Marines after graduation. Being in the same branch of service would be the best option for their relationship, but Mr. Sands had a dream to fly, while Ms. Iorio wanted a ground career in financial management, which would keep them apart.

“We decided on the Marines knowing we would not be stationed together for a while,” she said. “David encouraged me to choose the career I wanted, and I was happy for him to follow his dream of becoming a pilot in Marine Corps Aviation.”

The long separations began immediately after graduation in May 2016. Ms. Iorio took the Marine Corps Basic Officer Course in Quantico, Va., a few months before Mr. Sands, who was initially in New Hampshire trying out for the USRowing under 23 national team.

They wrote letters, but it was the beginning of the toughest test of their love. Mr. Sands is now in Texas and Ms. Iorio in California, and there are days when they can’t text or talk. “It has been hard,” Mr. Sands said. “I am physical, I like to hug, and she isn’t here.”

Mr. Sands proposed on Dec. 21, 2016, while the couple vacationed in the Virgin Islands, shortly after Ms. Iorio completed her duties in Quantico.

While walking along a coral stone beach, they saw the words, “I Love You” coincidentally spelled out on the sand by someone else. Excited and nervous, Mr. Sands set up a tripod, turned on a video recorder and dropped to one knee. “Before David had time to propose, I said, ‘Yes!’ ” Ms. Iorio said.

On Veterans Day, one of Mr. Sands’s uncles, Stan Newton, an ordained Christian Missionary Alliance minister and Naval Academy graduate, officiated before 108 guests on the covered fourth-floor terrace of the Grand Bohemian Hotel in Asheville, N.C., the city where Ms. Iorio’s parents live.

Before military classmates, friends and family, Ms. Iorio, wearing an ivory strapless gown from the Blush by Hayley Paige collection, walked down the aisle with her father.

Mr. Newton explained the true meaning of love during the ceremony: “Real love means real care and sacrifice for each other more than for yourself.”

After repeating their vows, Mr. Sands gave Ms. Iorio a long kiss before they exited to applause and the recessional music, “On Top of the World,” by Imagine Dragons.

“Ashley and David are in tune with each other’s emotions and mind-set, and their future holds an adventure,” said Rebecca Cabrey, the maid of honor. “As they work through challenges together, it will only make their relationship more resilient, stronger with each obstacle that life might put in their way.”

The first being that they will begin married life apart, she still in California and he in Texas.

“I want a big family,” he said, “but she wants to wait until we are physically living together which is another 1½ years or more.”

They have separate incomes but hope to begin financial planning together and doing more as a couple even while living separately. “I want to wash his clothes, cook our food and be girlie and feminine, but I can’t being so far away,” Ms. Iorio said. “We have always discussed our problems and moved forward. I will deploy to the Middle East this spring and glad it’s happening now before we live together. I know we will withstand this period because I am marrying my best friend.”