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This season is a mess. The spring 2017 men’s wear shows are almost over, for goodness sake, and women’s wear is still in the middle of cruise 2016/2017.

“Cruise?” you ask. “Huh?” Exactly. Cruise — a.k.a. prespring, a.k.a. resort — are the clothes that arrive in November and stay on shelves through March and sometimes even April. The shows began May 3 with Chanel, an extravaganza in Havana that included 86 looks, some tourism and some controversy, and they extend through next month — yes, into the couture fall 2016-17 season.

There is no cohesion to the cruise collections. They include summer-weight clothes as well as fur; mega-shows (Chanel, Vuitton, Dior, Gucci) as well as small presentations; some brands (Chanel, among others) that want to publicize and some (Proenza Schouler, Céline) that don’t, at least until it hits stores.

So I gave up trying to make sense of it. Instead, I thought I’d take you along for what is necessarily a somewhat arbitrary ride. After all, in the end we each pack our own bags.

May 11

Post-Chanel, which I watched via livestream (the concept of traveling to an exotic destination for a single show being the kind of seduction that best serves clients, not critics), the emails are starting to pile up, listing presentations in far-flung corners of New York. I feel like Tippi Hedren being swarmed by the birds.

May 19

Today is Oscar de la Renta day. The label does a series of minishows in its showroom with the creative director Peter Copping, in front of 20 to 30 people at a time. This season, there were 33 looks, which Mr. Copping says were inspired by the idea of “patchwork,” translated through a very luxe lens. Think of baby florals and tweeds and jacquards; lace and feathers. That contrast, between a casual idea and an elaborate expression, pretty much summed up the mood of the collection: classic (and classy) de la Rentaisms with the stuffing taken out.

May 23

Trying to keep track of who is doing what, I email Burberry, which has had small presentations in the past. The company says it is not doing anything this year because it is jettisoning the idea of seasons altogether and has rejiggered its schedule to show men’s wear and women’s wear together in September and sell the clothes immediately after it shows them.

Stella McCartney, who used to be famous for her cruise fun-fairs, has decided to show the collection in November in London, before it goes on sale. Mary Katrantzou is taking her collection on the road to New York, but they are not allowing me to tell you about the clothes before they are in stores on pain of Great Brand Excommunication. (Spoiler: they are cheerful.)

Diane von Furstenberg’s office calls to tell me that because it just hired Jonathan Saunders as its first chief creative officer, it isn’t having a resort presentation, because he won’t have had a chance to put his stamp on the collection.

May 28

This is the week of the mega-shows. Today, Louis Vuitton is in Rio Zika and political unrest be damned! The brand rules the social media waves. On May 31 and June 2, Dior and Gucci hold their shows in Britain (in Blenheim Palace and Westminster Abbey, respectively). I watch them all on my computer and try to run the numbers on what it costs to bring an entire fashion show to an exotic locale. I am boggled. The brands say it is worth it.

June 6

Back in New York, Narciso Rodriguez is at 9:30 a.m.: Lexington and 16th Street. He is interested in “splicing” — i.e., cutting in ever more deceptively simple, but actually highly complicated, ways. See, for example, a bias-cut gown in heavy silk satin with the weft running in two different directions, so some of the fabric looks glossy and other bits matte. If Veronica Lake had a Modernist moment, she’d be in heaven. Or this dress.

Across town on 11th Avenue, some Brits have touched down: Christopher Kane (sci-fi pansies, including big lace mitochondrial petal “blobs” inset randomly on iridescent pleated skirts) and Peter Pilotto (haute peasant, with technical taffeta and Peruvian rug embroidery).

June 7

“Calling this ‘cruise’ is an error. It should be called ‘destination.’” Michael Kors is doing his version of stand-up — the cruise collection explanation monologue. The destinations he has in mind? “Gstaad, Mustique, Palm Beach, Palm Springs or destination ‘God forbid it’s snowing and I need a new wool coat.’”

Some more of his morsels: “A fox wellie is the kind of basic boot every girl needs.” “We don’t sell bathing suits people swim in. These are bathing suits people wear in party situations. It’s the new cocktail dress.” He is feeling graphics, especially polka dots and grommets. “How do you cut through the winter doldrums? Graphic is the way to go.”

Marc Jacobs, fresh from his CFDA women’s wear designer of the year award, thinks 1980s MTV is the way to go, in 54 superbright, collage-happy looks. (Can this be a coincidence? 54 looks? Studio 54?) The show was supposed to start at 9 a.m. sharp, but during the awards ceremony the night before, we kept getting emailed updates: maybe 9:30, actually 10. Guess you can do that when you win one for the sixth time.

At Suno, Erin Beatty and Max Osterweis went on a trip around Africa with a nod to Edwardiana via plaid linen and eyelet, denim and shirting overembroidered with florals, big off-the-shoulder ruffles paired with generous trousers and full skirts.

At Coach, Stuart Vevers was feeling Felix the Cat (the brand made a deal with DreamWorks to use the image), adding him to the rest of the label’s building blocks: prairie dresses, motorcycle jackets, shearling and dinosaurs, used this time instead of Izod alligators on cardigans. What’s up with that? “It’s actually not that thought-through,” Mr. Vevers said. “I like that it’s kind of random.”

That’s the thing about cruise: Ask most designers what it is about and they say: “Clothes you wear.” That sounds absurd, since all clothes are theoretically clothes you wear. But what they actually mean is: not clothes you pose in, clothes you depend on. Think of it that way.

Public School is not actually doing cruise: It is combining men’s and women’s wear, and spring and pre-spring respectively. It is making a statement about the fashion system and the political system. “We need leaders” is spray-painted on a wall at the end of the show.

The wall is apparently supposed to represent “false monuments.” The show is presumably supposed to represent the future, or the clothes of the rebelling masses. Mostly it feels confused, though the pieces themselves were pretty simple: dystopian tailoring and designer anoraks, accessorized with slashes and asymmetry, accented with police-tape yellow and a melting flower photo print.

June 9:

“It’s good not to always do something new,” says Joseph Altuzarra, in his studio during his mini-show. “Sometimes you want to speak a language that you’ve already established.” His vernacular has to do with pencil skirts, dip-dyed plaid shirtdresses, trompe l’oeil lingerie knits, pastel lace and ribbed stretch cardigans laced with faux leather. “It’s easier to clean that way,” he says.

June 13:

It’s the Monday after the Friday before, which is to say: after the Moschino show in Los Angeles, which was a combined resort/men’s wear show (with tickets sold to the public for up to $400, list price), along with models (Miranda Kerr, Chanel Iman), celebrities (Katy Perry, Caitlyn Jenner) and 1960s cartoon psychedelia (miniskirts, mirror mosaics, flower power and animal print).

Now Valentino is in the former Warhol Factory on Union Square. Like Chanel, it is having a Cuba moment, though its Cuba is a Cuba of the mind. The designers Maria Grazia Chiuri and Pierpaolo Piccioli were thinking about the way Cuba is frozen in the imagination, which led them to their own past, which led them to red, a nod to the favorite color of the label’s founder, but in washed brocade and silk to give the clothes the soft focus of age, plus Tropicana bomber jackets and skirts and dresses encrusted in wooden micro-beads and, well, a lot more.

The Factory is jammed with jersey and lace and camouflage and khaki. The work is eye boggling. Designers spend a lot of time complaining these days about their lack of time, but these two seem exhilarated by it.

Rag & Bone is in its studio in the meatpacking district. Marcus Wainwright, the co-chief executive/designer, is there, waxing laconic on the stripy knits, tuxedo track pants, airy button-downs and shearlings that are the label’s signatures. David Neville, the co-chief executive, is not there. This doesn’t seem odd, since Marcus is in charge of the design studio. But when they announce two days later that Mr. Neville is leaving the company, it suddenly seems full of portent.

June 16

Carolina Herrera, in her 35th year in business, is living the fairy tale. Her resort collection is an enchanting confection of sparkling tulle cocktail and evening gowns in shades from nude to graphic black-and-white — plus a few denim numbers for day and a terrific pair of wide peach taffeta trousers to wear with a white cashmere sweater striped in sequins. Coincidentally, or probably not, Mrs. Herrera has a new design team — Fernando Garcia and Laura Kim of Monse — and they did even more-exaggerated trousers in their own collection, as well as khaki coat dresses and bandanna frocks twisted, pulled and otherwise chopped up in unexpected angles.

In any case, Mrs. Herrera isn’t around to discuss her role as resort’s fairy godmother because she’s at a spa in Austria with her husband. Too bad. I could have used a magic wand to transport me to different shores: On June 29, Creatures of the Wind, based in New York, is having a resort show at Spencer House in London.

July 3

I know we haven’t actually gotten here yet in real time, but it’s already on my calendar: Miu Miu is unveiling its cruise line in Paris with a supper-club event. Later this week, Céline will be showing its line. I can see it, though no pictures will be released until it goes into stores in November. Ditto Proenza Schouler and Chloé.

But at that point I’ll be cycling back in fashion time (though forward in real time) to fall 2016, with couture. Enough is enough. I know this is a time of unpredictable weather patterns, but it seems to me that when a new season begins, it’s time for the old one to end.