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“‘This is the last time,’ I promised myself and God, as I slid my leg out from between hers.”

Growing up in an ultra-Orthodox Hasidic community, Sara Glass was used to following strict rules — including what to wear, when to get married and whom to love. “I had strong feelings that I really should be with a woman and not with a man,” she told our host, Anna Martin. “But I wanted to do what God said was right.”

Sara married her first husband at age 19. After two marriages to men, and years of working as a psychologist who strove to create a safe space for her clients, Sara was done hiding that she was gay. Today, Sara shares her experience of leaving the Hasidic community and finally embracing her true self.

Modern Love is back for the new year! Look out for new episodes on Wednesday afternoons.

Today’s essay was written by Sara Glass and read by Julia Whelan.

Modern Love is hosted by Anna Martin and produced by Julia Botero, Christina Djossa, Elyssa Dudley and Hans Buetow. The show is edited by Sara Sarasohn. This episode was mixed by Sophia Lanman and Corey Schreppel and recorded by Maddy Masiello. Our theme music is by Dan Powell.

Special thanks to Daniel Jones, Miya Lee, Mahima Chablani, Jeffrey Miranda, Renan Borelli, Julia Simon and Anna Diamond at Audm.

Thoughts? Email us at modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com.

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